I've Been Tagged. Part One

What idiot asks someone "who are you going to tag?"? Duh? Who do you think they're going to tag? Yeah, the idiot who asked. Actually I don't really know what tagging is, but I've gleaned that we are doing 6 things people don't know about you. Something like that. I have been putting this off because everything about me is embarrassing. Do I want to endure the silent look of pity from all of you as you murmur, "oh that poor retarded girl. She doesn't know any better."? Most of my "things you don't know", my family knows, but I guess it's time to tell others.

1. My MOST embarrassing thing. When I was in High School, my friend Kathy and I met this girl who said she was a "soccer cheerleader". Basically they wore matching sweats and jumped up and down and ra ra'd them. The girl who started it was graduating so my friend Kathy, who was super brave in a way I wasn't, I was daring in many ways, but not socially said we should take over. We decided we needed to do something super big for our senior year and since we couldn't be cheerleaders, we'd just self appoint. Now this sounds pathetic, but it really wasn't, we weren't sad fat girls with no chance, we were just girls who decided if we weren't real cheerleaders, we'd make it happen. We just wanted an avenue to do something really fun and get away with a bunch of crap, and believe me we did. First, in order to get away with our devious plans, we needed a simple, gullible teacher to be our "advisor". We chose the cooking teacher, a super sweet grandma type (she was probably 40). She gladly accepted. We were in business. We decided we needed toadies to boss around. So we held "tryouts". First, we made up posters and did NOT get approval as required, we just put them up. No one said anything. Then, everyday we went down and made announcements with the rest of student government. You are supposed to get approval and have them do it. We didn't, we just went to the mike and did our thing. No one said anything, no one dared, it was too weird for them, no one knew what to think. Then we held "tryouts" where Kathy and I sat at a big table and acted as both judge and jury to 50 pathetic cheerleader hopefuls. We decided we BOTH wanted toadies and we BOTH wanted to be in charge, so we decided we needed a JV and Varsity squad. We picked our teams and "announced" them during morning announcements. Then we decided we weren't going to wear crappy sweats, we wanted real uniforms. We didn't have any money so we decided our toadies were going to fund the uniforms for us. We found a professional uniform company and contracted with them to make our uniforms. They were great, as good as real cheerleaders. Our toadies had no idea the amount we charged them included our fee for our uniforms. Now we needed t-shirts for game day. We collected money from everyone, amidst grumbling (so what -you want to be a cheerleader? shut the hell up and pony up the dough). Unfortunately we didn't have enough money to professionally have the "iron on" work done so we did it ourselves. Again unfortunately we ran out of letters so some of the girls go shirts with letters cut from left over letters. "Qoccer Qheerleader" something like that. We overheard the toadies talking and saying "I think they just did these themselves.." "Ya, I do too!" we laughed. so what? What were they gonna do? Then the fun started. We had "soccer cheer duties" constantly. We would hand write an "excuse Lisa and Kathy from....they had soccer...yada yada" and have our "advisor" to sign. We would leave a 4 inch gap between the note and her signature. As soon as she signed it, we would fill it the space with many dates and times, then go to the mall, again. We missed a ton of school but everything was excused. We decided to hold a bake sales for money (kathy and I needed money). So I go donuts from Reams, where I worked and had a big bake sale once a month and made a killing (did we get approval as required - no, and no one dared tell us to stop). I'm trying to remember if we actually cheered...probably...but I dont recall. I just mostly remember being able to use our cheerleading venture as a front for evil and much fun. We made them take our pictures for the yearbook and everything. In spite of the fact that no one knew what to think of us and probably thought we were freaks, it was the funnest thing I've ever done and I'll never regret it. I'd give anything to be that brash and brave again. We became friends with our toadies and it was a really fun time.

Since that was too long I'll do my 6 in daily posts.

Primary Fear

Today in Primary we discussed being "A Child of God". I talked about giving them a picture of Jesus to put by their bed to remind them they are a Child of God. One little boy, who is extremely serious, raised his hand and said, "We used to have a picture of Jesus by our bed but it scared us, so my Mom put it away". We all tried so hard not to laugh. Who does NOT want to be in primary - it's too funny.

Latest Tom-ism

"So, when are you going to get this house cleaned for Christmas?"

Cayden

Like Mandoo, I too want to use my blog as a pseudo-journal because I never write in mine. If I don't write it here I will forget every cute thing cayden does, things I say I'll NEVER forget but it's easy to do. With Hillary I kept a journal better than I do now. Anyhoo, I'm going to copy mandoo and write about cayden:

My favorite thing he says to me when he's mad at me is "I don't have your heart anymore". I love the he uses "heart" frequently to express his feelings. When Hillary first went to college and was gone a whole week, we picked her up and cayden was clearly happy. He said, "Sissy, I have your heart", which means, he loves her. sOOOO cute. But he either does or does not have "your heart" depending upon if he's happy with you or not.

Every night, Tom has to announce Cayden before he gets in to bed (yes, still our bed - shut up). He won't go to bed until he does, when Tom's out of town, it's my turn. The announcement goes something like this, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the world wide naked wrestling federation" (it started after he had taken a bath and wouldn't get dressed). Then we say, "presenting, killer cayden or crusher cayden" or something like that.

One night tom was being a poo and having a tantrum over something and I told him not to be a baby. Later cayden came and punched me (part of the wrestling thing - oh yeah, we have to wrestle after the announcement-every night). I told him not to be mean daddy (yeah I know, BAD thing to say, but I was mad, I regret it). He got really upset and said, "I WANT TO BE LIKE DADDY, I said, good but not mean daddy, he said I want to be like daddy all the time! I want to be like mean daddy and good daddy! It was so cute and a good lesson, he loves his dad always and wants to be like him and I shouldn't ever criticize tom in front of him.

Everytime we go to a restaurant, we get him a kids meal, why? because............um........so we feel like we made an effort to get him to eat? I don't know. he NEVER eats. all he wants is pancakes, waffles, chicken nuggets and fries - from mcdonalds. So we leave the restaurant holding 100% of his kids meal in a takeout box. We get in the car, cayden then says, "I'm starving! I need dinner". sigh.

Everyone morning when he wakes up, he immediately flies out of bed and has to put on his uniform. His uniform consists of "little pants". Little pants must be short, and made of a knit type fabric, but cotton will do in a pinch (like boxers). Little pants may not contain, pockets, zippers or any other embellishments. They cannot be jeans or chino type shorts at all. They can be basketball shorts, unless they have pockets. The best "little pants" are pajama shorts, these are the most preferred. Now for the shirt. We have a bit more flexiblility on the shirts, but not much. They must generally be orange, luckily I love orange and he has many orange shirts. They must be a tee shirt, no pockets, buttons, embellishments etc. And must have short sleeves. They must have a picture on it though, so that's sort of an embellishment. His favorite is this attrocious sleeveless "wife beater" tank shirt that tom got at walmart after cayden dumped a whole sprite on his shirt during a BYU football game.

He still holds my hair when he sleeps , but not as much as he used to. I will miss that when it's gone.

That's all for this minute, I could go on for hours, but i'll space it out.

Latest Tom-ism

I needed to clean the house, but if you've read my blog you know I need a diet coke to start and it must be a fountain drink. I told Tom I was going to get a drink and to watch Cayden. He was engrossed in his football game but DID respond ok. I started to back out of the driveway when Cayden came running into the garage in his jammies and barefeet crying. He wanted to come with me, my little social boy who always wants to go somewhere and do something. I put him in the car and waited a minute for Tom to come out looking for him. No Tom. So I left. I thought about calling Tom but decided to wait to see if he would call me. I wanted to see if he'd notice Cayden wasn't there. No call. So we went to McDonalds, stopped at Nat's house to borrow a carpet cleaner and headed home. Finally I called Tom and being the part German that I am, needing to teach others a lesson, decided to test him. "Tom, go ask Cayden if he wants a Happy Meal". I hear him looking around and calling him. He comes back. "He's not answering" "Well go find him" "No, just get him one".....pause....."Do you realize Cayden isn't even there?" "He's not?" "No, I can't believe you didn't notice he was gone!" "Why didn't you tell me?" "I wanted to see if you'd notice" and TA DA...words of wisdom...."Well I would have noticed he wasn't here if you'd told me!" Oh. Ok. I'll remember that. Sharp as a tack, that one.

BYU CRIME

BYU has a daily paper called "Today's Daily Universe" that has kind of a police blotter section. Tom told me about it and it's hilarious, without meaning to be. Here is an article:

Sept 12: A conflict, due to a failure to communicate and just talk
problems out, was reported between two 18-year-old female students
living in M. Smith Hall in Heritage Halls. The roommates
have been arguing over apartment chores and accusing one another
of destroying each other’s food. Profanity and some hair
pulling was involved. This has been turned over to the housing
office for a resolution.

HILLARY - STOP PULLING AMANDA'S HAIR!

Sinner!

We got Hillary set up in her dorm at BYU on Monday after much hauling and dying in the heat of that horrible dorm room! She's not sure she's going to like living there. She's my daughter through and through, she's just not comfortable with the saturation of religiousnous. It's not that she's an apostate, but, like me, 3 hours of church is plenty, we don't need to talk more about it, go to devotionals, etc. Why then, did we send her? I DON"T KNOW, shut up! Anyway, an example of what she's afraid she won't be able to hande: She was sitting her her late summer honors group during a break from class when she mentioned that she needed a Dr. Pepper NOW, and needing some caffeine big time. There was an audible GASP from many in the group, dead serious. Then silence. Someone said, "You drink CAFFEINE?!!" "uh, yeah.." silence. Then one girl felt bad for her and said, "sometimes I drink chocolate milk, to get a buzz." Uh..ok.

Days of 47 Parade

I am a terrible photographer but actually took a couple of decent ones during the Days of 47 parade. I was really dreading this parade, imagining the magnitude of it. How hard was it going to be to get her to the staging area, where would I find a place to watch and how would I possibly get a spot close enough to parade end so that she didn't have to schlep it for hours to get back to the car? I was even more stressed when I found out that last years Draper Royalty got a hotel room and brought a golf cart. It actually turned out to the be easiest most organized parade. I was able to to drive my car right up to the float and drop her off. Then I drove to the end of the parade, Liberty Park to find a spot. I decided I didn't care enough to watch the whole thing and didn't have a chair to sit in anyway. Luckily for the girls and me, their float was #28. So lucky! The parade is three hours long, could you imagine sitting at the staging area for 2 hours waiting for your turn to go? Anyway, I tried to find a place as close to the end as I could. I happened to find a spot next to Liberty Park but on 6th east, the west end of the park. I figured that was the best I could do. Their float came by, I watched, it was beautiful, then they turned into the park and drove on the road right next to my car and parked. Unbelievable. Too easy.

Couple of funny notes. They had people announcing the floats along the entire parade route. They were TV or Radio etc. You could tell what type of radio station based on how they were announced:

"BABES IN THE HOUSE!" - X96

reading the written description..."A Whimsical Float that...did I just say whimsical?" -KBER etc.

Along the route were weirdo with signs that rated the girls "10" etc or signs that said, "marry me". One idiot had a "show me your ****" Her "walkers" the guys that walk along side the float take really good care of them and they grabbed the guys sign and found the cops to get rid of him.

Lesson Learned

I learned a very important lesson today. Confucius say, "never try to give cat a shower naked". I have an indoor cat now, I hate animal smells, solution, give the kitty a bath. The older she gets the harder it becomes. I haven't done it in a month or so and decided it was time again when I caught her rolling around in her litter box. I thought about all the times I cuddled with her with her leaping on my face. shudder. Anyhoo, someone told me they took their dogs in the shower to bathe them. It sounded like a good idea. The problem with bathing cats is that they can get away. A shower is confined. It made sense to me. So, naked I became and started the water. I picked her up and walked to the shower. Her senses perked and she started to the bolting process. I jumped in the shower and slammed the door. It was like an atomic super ball exploded. She literally began running up one wall to another and leaping so high she was practically level with my face. I just stood there in shock until her claws dug into my naked bosom. Holy crap, if you've not had a cat hang from your nipple, it is one painful experience, let me tell you. I immediately unhooked her and tossed her out of the shower where she bolted to the furtherest place in the house she could hide and hate me. So, naked and bleeding and scratched everwhere, a light bulb goes on in my head. Never bathe a cat whilst naked in the shower. Is that clear? Crystal.

Movies, teacher, mother, secret lover

Aside from my kids, family, yada yada, the obvious answers, there is very little that thrills me more than going to the movies. It is unparalled joy to me. It hasn't always been that way. I've always enjoyed the movies, but not as much as now. As a child I went very rarely, but I liked going. In fact my very first memory of a movie was as a child of maybe 6 or 7. My parents took us to Peter Pan while they went Christmas shopping. Isn't that hilarious? It just makes me laugh because back then movies were baby sitters and it was no big deal, but now we would NEVER think of doing this! My next memory was of seeing my first "PG" movie (that my parents were aware of). It was Star Wars and my parents took me for my 8th graduation (in Montana you go to grade school until 8th grade, then straight to high school). Now I'm going to digress from straight movie talk, to the events surrounding my first "R" rated movie, also in 8th grade. It occurred during one night of evil doings. Sorry Mom, this will be a shock to you. I had a friend move down the street and she had extremely permissive parents with no rules or curfew, I however, had the opposite. One night she had a slumber party with a few friends. I was at that critical age where you are an amazing person if you have the courage to stand up to your peers. I was semi-weak, never breaking major rules, but going along with the crowd on minor ones. Her older sister was 14 and could drive (scary, the age is 14 in montana) so we snuck out of the house, pushed the car down the street, then started it and took off. We went to the movies to see a movie called It's Alive. I recall very little about the movie except it was about a monster baby who cried like a demented male cat fighting over a female cat. I'm sure you've all hear that cry, it's creepy. The freak baby had long fangs and ate everyone. We met some boys who got in the car with us. We went to Kmart, where, while I looked at the lipgloss, my friends all shoplifed. I knew they shoplifted regularly, but had never participated, but not trying to stop them either. I always graciously volunteered to be the "paying one" to draw attention away from them. They came out with records (remember those, kids?), beer (how do you shop lift a six pack of beer?), etc. I came out with my paid Dr. Pepper lip smackers lip gloss. Then we drove around. i didn't drink, how I got out of that one, I'll never know. Then they went around stealing street signs for their bedrooms. It was the most exciting scary night of my sheltered mormon life. And one of my most guilt ridden. Arent you glad we moved Mom? Montana aint no place to raise child, seriously. they drink, smoke etc way to early.

Back to the movies. As I got older and life got more stressful, the movies became an escape. That, in a nutshell is what I love about movies, the escape-ism of them. It's a time to completely forget whats happening in your life. You can forget about the laundry pile on your dining room table that's beginning to mutate into a living creature, forget about your callings, all the things you need to do etc. It's magical. I have rarely left a movie without feeling somehow refreshed with a renewed optimism of what I want to accomplish. I leave thinking, I can do it! Whatever "it" happens to be. I am going to re-decorate my house, i'm going to get a high paying career (yeah right), I'm going to become more confident, I'm going to fight aliens and go on car chases. I'm going to take off and go on a trip, I'm going to get out of my comfort zone and just do SOMETHING!

Going to the movies requires rituals. First, seating, very important. I've always preferred the back row for a couple of reasons. First, I am far enough away from the screen to not get car sick, second, before stadium seating I always stressed about Tom's enormous cranium and how the people behind us couldn't see over his fat head. He would refuse to slouch down. I always wanted the center seat in the row so that I was right in the middle. Now, my favorite and required spot is the last seat on the row next to the aisle., second to last row. I don't know why I wanted the center spot, being such a frequent pee-er I would have to climb over the row to go potty. Now I have to have the end of the row so as not to feel trapped. Also, I can't stand having people on both sides of me, I feel claustrophobic, plus I worry that my fat is oozing on to other people. Also, being the last on the row allows me a place to put my popcorn and stuff to get at it easily - the stair next to me. Now the treats. If I had to go to the movies and NOT have popcorn and diet coke, I honestly think I'd have to pass on the movie. I am incapable of watching without eating. Popcorn is VERY important. It must be fresh. Sometimes when you go to the movies early, they will make it in advance and it's old and gross and I will make them replace it. Next the butter. The best part of the popcorn. If I had to eat it without butter, again I would have to rethink even going. I have to have the butter half way through then on top and I must have control over the butter distribution. I always go to the smaller satelite concession stands so that I can use the self service butter. It drives me nuts when I ask for extra butter and that means one tiny extra squirt. Proper butter distribution is key to perfect popcorn. If I soaks throught bottom of the barrel, I'm good. I don't care about the candy, but sometimes I like milk duds. I put them on top of my popcorn and they mix with the butter and popcorn and you eat them with the popcorn and its like eating carmel corn. YUM. I used to be embarrassed about my over buttering, but now, so what? It's not like someone isn't going to look and me and say, oh my gosh, that fat lady is putting too much butter on her popcorn, SHOCKING! No, they just think, yeah, she's fat, it's expected. Movie pet peaves: People who don't take out their kids/babies when they cry. That will send me through the roof. Especially when they stand on the main level in the hall and think you can't hear their kid crying. HELLO! You're still here! Just because we can't see you we can still hear you! Another pet peave is people who bring their young kids to inappropriate movies. It bothers me and it's not right. Tom and I went to Bourne Supremacy and some lady had her 3 or 4 year old little girl with her. Why? The other thing that sends me through the room is rotten tweenagers who act obnoxious during the movie, laughing too loud, making stupid comments etc. I saw Harry Potter last weekend and some turd headed tween kept using a laser pointer on the screen. I was so distracted trying to find the little fart so I could do some serious skull cracking, that I missed a lot of the movie. If it wasn't frowned upon, I would love to find these obnoxious tweens when they act annoying and smack them on the top of the head and say, do it again and you're dead, got it? but then there's that whole assault thing. sigh. laws.

My last movie point is that I love movies enough to go by myself. Yes, by myself. I sounds pathetic but it's not, its joyful. I get to choose the movie, eat all the popcorn myself, have both arm rests and no one talks to me or anything. It's heavenly. I used to be so embarrassed to go by myself. I would go through this elaborate ruse just to make sure NO one suspected I actually chose to go by myself. One time Tom was on business and I went to the movies during the day killing time. I make this big production of telling the ticket taker that I was waiting for someone and that I would go in ahead and if he saw a tall, pointy headed man, he was to tell him I went in. When I went in the theater I would make this pretense of looking like I was "saving" a seat for someone. I even went so far as to leave in the middle of the movie to ask the ticket guy if my husband had come yet. Holy crap isn't that stupid? NO ONE CARES! I am so happy that at this stage of my life I can go the movie by myself with and be perfectly content. One last thought, my favorite movie time of year is thanksgiving/christmas. It's so wonderful going to the christmas movies. I just love it. I am so glad that the movie industry got its act together and started making lots more family appropriate movies and not so many R rated ones. I'm also glad I've groomed a future movie obsessor, cayden, he's just as thrilled about them as me and I love it!

Things I'd like to do sometime in my life

About 10 years ago I used to have insomnia at nights, actually it was more like nighttime panic attacks. They were not fun. My heart would race a million beats per minute, my arms and hands became numb, and I would hyperventilate. These symptoms would panick me more thinking I was dying and what would my kid(s) do without me, should I put on clothes or what if I die in my underwear and I can't die because my house is a pig sty and what would the ambulance people think etc. This panicking made my symptons worse and the cycle went on and on. I don't know why I had them but they were stupid and I finally learned to mentally talk myself out of them and now I no longer have them. One of the ways I used to calm myself down was to distract myself with a "what if" version of counting sheep. I had several scenarios I used:

1. I just won the lottery, how do I spend the money
2. Me and my kids become stranded in the woods in the winter, how do we survive (I always find a fully furnished amazing cabin and its a glorious time - stupid I know but it's cozy)
3. things I want to accomplish in my life.

#3 is the one I am focusing on today. These are the things I want to do before I die. Unfortunately I am queen procrastinator so...well I won't hold my breath, but in the meantime, I am queen planner instead:

1. Have a wedding reception center
2. Be a party planner or event coordinator
3. Have a Tv show - cooking or cakes or something like that
4. Win millions of dollars in some sort of sweepstakes, lottery or something like that (yeah I know, it's against the mormon rules but I swear I'd pay my tithing and give to the poor yada yada - shut up its my fantasy). See another blog for how i'd spend it.
5. Live in a really small town and be an integral part of the town planning festivals etc ala Mayberry.
6. Rent a really nice beach house on the ocean back east somewhere, cape cod, nantucket etc. during the fall. Don't know the rules but I would like to clam and catch lobsters and hang with the locals and watch the ocean from my picture windows.
7. Go to Salem Mass during October
8. Go anywhere in New England duriing prime fall leaf season
9. Go to New York and stay at the Plaza hotel the week after thanksgiving, watch the tree lighting in Rockefeller center and do all my Christmas shopping at the best stores including FAO Schwarz and have everything shipped back. This fantasy would probably involve #4.
10. Travel to Germany and Switzerland
11. Take a Disney cruise and stay at cinderella's castle in the new fancy suite
12. Take a cruise on a top of the line cruiser somewhere warm but not mexico.
13. Take an alaskan cruise
14. Live in my dream house which has specific criteria too numerous to mention, and host Thanksgiving dinner. It will be a wonderful cozy time in my huge home with a dining table big enough for over 30 people, wooded area with no neighbors, amazing big basement with enormous playroom to entertain the kids, pool table for the men, pool, hot tub, steam room, and most important, a hired staff to come in after dinner and clean up while we sit and relax.
15. Be in a play at Hale Theatre
16. Apply for a job I wasn't remotely qualified for, like CEO or something, lie on my resume etc and see if I get the job.
17. Ride the rascal motorized cart thingie they have at grocery stores and stores like target and pretend I'm injured and have to use it to shop.
18. Write a book, under a fake name and get it published and no one would know it was me.
19. Have some sort of secret life no one knows about - nothing evil -just something weird like wendy's sister, have a blog no one knows about that makes money and has a huge following.
20. Ride a bike on purpose regularly (yeah I know, why don't I do that now? Well if you followed behind me while I rode a bike you'd swear it was two hogs in a burlap sack slung on both sides of the seat - then you'd know why)
21. Be skinny for at least a year.
22. Take a train somewhere. Like an amtrack train with a sleeper car if there is such a thing. I've always wanted to travel a long distance and not have to fly but be able to sleep in a bed the whole way somewhere and wake up across the country.

That's all for now. I suddenly realized I was falling asleep, so I have no idea what I've written.

Girls Camp Memories

Wendy has inspired me to write my girls camp memories rather than do my usual novel long comment to her girls camp blog. Generally speaking my girls camp memories are good. Girls camp can make or break a girl or leader. All the stars have to align for a good camp experience to occur. First, a good camp director, second, good girls with no trouble makers - you can have some pranksters (did I just say pranksters? I am getting old), just no mean girls. You can have bad weather etc., but if you have good leader and good girls all willing to "make the best of it" it will be a memorable experience. Memorable. That's what the point is really. Sometimes the worst experiences, due to trama, weather, etc., can still give a memorable and dare I say, testimony building experience. But if the leaders have bad attitudes and the girls are mean...I don't need to say anything else.

My first camp memories begin at my first year at camp as a beehive. When I grew up in Montana, girls camp was true camping. A camp spot would be a big patch of forest. Thats it. No built in bathrooms, water spiggots, firepits or tables. A week before camp we would go up and "dig the latrine". This would be a six foot long, 4-6 foot deep (like a grave plot) hole in the ground. Then a swing is constructed hanging from trees. The base of the swing is a six foot long one foot wide plank with two holes cut. The entire thing is then surrounded by tarp and a bag of lye with a cup is just inside the enclosure. When it's time to "go" you and a friend if you want since its a "two seater" would hold the swing and leap on, do your business whilst swinging. When done, you would cover your business with lye powder to dissolve your dirty sinful business. I think that my first year at girls camp was my first true "bonding" experience with another person other than my family. We had this amazing camp director. She was the only girl in a family of 6 boys. Most of the boys were drop dead gorgeous tall, dark and handsome, unfortunately, she looked just like one of the boys. I don't know how old she was, I'm guessing twenty five or thirty, she was a spinster was all I knew. I never noticed her in our ward at all but she was a tried and true camper and loved it. I've never seen a female enjoy camping like she did. She had a very manly way about her. But the sort of weird part was that once we met her, we all loved her and followed her around like little baby ducks. I can't explain it but we wanted to be near her all the time. She would always give the best testimonies every night and we would just soak up everything she said. Normally when a testimony is given I immediately begin to squirm and want to run away, but she was like a pied piper. Anyway I only mention this leader because she was the type of leader I wish everyone could have had. She taught us about pranking and wasn't a stuff shirt like I was when it came to pranking. The next year we decided to prank another tent. We snuck over to a tent, we didn't know whose, in the middle of the night and climbed in. I drew black polka dots all over a couple of peoples faces. suddenly I realized no one else was with me! The big cowards had run away! The next morning my heart dropped, when at flag ceremony I saw with horror, the stake camp director and her assistants faces covered with black polka dots! One for the books I tell ya! Another very vivid memory of girls camp I have is two years later, still in Montana, the year we camped in a bears feeding ground. Playing pranks was really big in Montana, it was just expected. No one (that I recall) discouraged it, it was just known that you don't do anything destructive to property or anything unduly mean. Anyway, one night as we were supposed to be sleeping you could see a sea of flashlights waving around as girls ran around either pulling pranks or visiting. Suddenly one of the girls in our ward came back running as fast as she could with this look of sheer terror on her face, something i could never fully describe. Finally we got it out of her that she had been sneaking up on a tent when she shined her light into a pair of yellow eyes. After asking who it was she finally realized it was a bear. That night several food tents were ransaked and we were told, after the leaders talked with rangers that it was a bear feeding ground area. We packed up and went home the next morning, after only two days. I wasn't really scared, mostly mad that we had to go. After what happened to that boy last month, I realize how smart it was to go! All those girls screaming, food in their tents etc etc., it was time bomb waiting to happen!
I've had two really bad camp experiences. One was when I was the first counselor in the young women's presidency and mentally DONE with young womens. I'd been in young women's for five years and we had recently had a ward split and i was anxious for a change, but they put me back in yw again. Anyway, the YW president had this horrible rotten daughter that I'd had from achievement days, through beehives to mia maid. I know the love everyone rule, but she was of the devil and I couldn't ove or even like her, but I tried. Anyhoo, the day we arrived, she and her rotten cronies went over and did some really really mean prank on the new stake YW president, a really shy, insecure, super sweet lady. I don't recall what they did but she was crying and it was awful and embarrassing for all. We told her she was going home that night after campfire when there was a ride to take her home. During our ward campfire she got into a screaming & swearing (using every bad word in the book) match with her mom, the YW pres. It was awful. After it was over, instead of giving her a whoopin and sending her home, her mom relented and let her stay. I asked to be released as soon as I got home. It was such a bad experience for all. If it happened now, I would have cracked both of their skull and sent both of them packing. The next super bad experience (in between several good) happened about 5 or 6 years ago. It started in January, when I decided, as I do each January, that it was time to loose weight. I noticed they were having a weight loss specialist come to enrichment in January and I decided to attend in spite of normally NEVER going enrichment. I enjoyed listening to him and his blunt candor, it amused me and I was motivated. After the meeting this woman from the ward came up and touched my shoulder and said, "Oh, I hope you weren't offended." Well I wasn't, UNTIL THEN! She was on my mental crap list after that. Well that year I actually did loose a lot of weight (unfortunately I found it again) and this woman must have noticed and decided to give the fat girl a chance. so she called me to be on the girls camp committee. She was the director for the second year and didn't want to be there and had taken the calling under pressure. Everything went fine during the planning stages etc., then we arrived at girls camp to set up and suddenly her face peeled off and her witch face emerged. It was so scary. Immediately she decided that the fat girl was her whipping boy (girl). As we tried to set up a tent she would be sweet to the other leaders then turn around and hiss something at me. I have never felt so, fat, ugly & middle school girlish in my whole life. Here I was, an adult, and another adult was making me feel like the ugliest most unpopular girl in school and she the most popular had the right to torture me. This treatment continued the entire week. While she and the other young women's leaders sat around and painted the girls nails and do crafts and drink diet coke and laugh, I, along with the other camp assistant (round also) would slave around them. One time I decided to sit with them and make a craft, she sat there laughing with her peeps, holding her drink and suddenly noticed me. She turned her red eyes on me and hissed and spit out, "get the beehives and go clean the bathrooms" and turned back eyes now normal color and her charming self emerged and it was, "now, where was I?". As if to say, "you just can't good help these days". I wanted to leave so bad that week, but I thought, I will NOT let her get to me, I am an adult for crap sakes! Unfortunately I don't have a good ending for this story. I stuck it out for the week and it only got worse, not better, and I still hate her with every fiber of my being. I haven't hated anyone since high school! To this day I wonder, why she called me to be on her committee and what made her turn on me. Whew, I guess that was a major vent session. sorry. In summation, other than those two crappy years, girls camp was a fabulous experience for me and I hope all girls get a chance to have a a good camp experience. amen.

Looking for the Top Ten (or more) Moore Family Moments

At sister lunch yesterday (for those who don't know, every Wednesday all the Moore sisters and sister in law (when she can) and our ma and pa go to lunch without fail). It's quite fun except for the leg wrestling over where we are going that week. We have good time and laugh a lot and we are very loud. The other day Natalie showed us her new gym membership card which makes her look like a pair of boobs with a shrunken head on top. We laughed hysterically talking too loudly about all you can see are her ginormous boobs. We realized after a bit that the construction workers next to us were laughing at our conversation. Not that we were egotistical enough to assume their snickering was due to our imagined hilariousness, but you can tell by a persons demeanor that they are eavesdropping. I could only imagine what they thought about our conversation. Probably threw up a little in their mouths. Oh well, as long as we think we're amusing that's all that matters. Anyhoo (by the way, I use the word "anyhoo" frequently, not because I honestly think "anyhoo" is a truly trendy word, but I use it because it's such a stupid word and it amuses me to say it) I digress (over and over). My point about sister lunch was that at the end of it yesterday we began discussing best family tag lines and thought it would be really fun to start gathering these moments/lines and present the collection. Here is a sampling(with brief explanation for blog visitors):

There's the little farter! (said by tactless Tom after poor little proper katie passed a little gas at a sunday dinner and we all laughed and she ran away hiding in embarrassment. Natalie talked with her and told her no one would say anything to her if she came back into the room- AFTER telling all of us not to say anything. She walked back into the room and Tom said his infamous line causing Katie to run away again)

I got run over by a truck. (pronounced by four year old Gary in the morning after an apparent nightmare.)

Maw (my-valley girl accent) hair is twelve fingers long (said by Madison, while actually playing with her hair and oogling dreamily some handsome lad - josh tuttle or someone like that)

I slept for almost an hour (again pronounced by a young Gary after waking up from a nap while traveling in the yellow smelly tobogan which was our station wagon on a trip to Arizona.

Please submit your entries!

Draper Children's Parade etc.

Today was the Draper Days children's parade. I've never been before but since Hillary was leading the parade we went and it was really fun! For an hour before the parade the kids are all given all sthe supplies to decorate their riding vehicle, be it bike, scooter, trike etc. Then the parade starts at 7:00, they take off, big excitement, around the park and 7:05, it's over. It's Hillary's easiest parade for sure!! Hillary got to ride in the back of a 1959 Chevy convertible, red, beautiful. Cayden and Mia got to ride with her on both sides of her and it was so cute for five minutes. Then at park they had popsicles for the kids and a crappy magician. It was really fun and old time town feel. It makes me appreciate Draper and even though it's huge now, they do try hard to maintain that old town feel. I wish I'd participated before. A few weeks ago Hillary had to attend a concert in the park. I was TOTALLY dreading it, how BORING! But when I got there, I was really surprised, the park was packed with tons of people, young and old, Grandparents, families, babies etc. Everyone came ON PURPOSE. I was amazed and I really had a nice time sitting in the park eating my KFC and listening to the music. I'll do it next year for sure. I realize I need to get out more and not just do stuff with my family. Anyhoo, here are some pictures from today. However, I really am a crappy photographer! I felt like I took a million pictures and these are the best ones! Said huh? Oh well, here they are, enjoy.

If you haven't already you need to visit Jacob's blog, he has the funniest video posted. I keep watching it over and over because it makes me laugh. Watch the previous post video first, then the current one, it makes it funnier.

http://www.jac0bhyatt.blogspot.com/

4th of July Memories (thanks to Jaime for the idea)

Before I got fat, old, grouchy, hot and impatient I used to LOVE the 4th and 24th of July. It was such an exciting holiday! I remember when we were little my Mom always dressed all of us girls alike and the patriotic holidays were no exception. I remember we would always get a some form of red/white/blue shorts outfit. I remember heavy navy blue polyester shorts that came to mid thigh and had a sewn crease down the front with a polyester sleeveless striped red/white/blue shirt. We all wore white socks with navy keds. I loved my new outfit and enjoyed prancing around. It was fun to dress alike, however she stopped around the time Gary came along as we were becoming teenagers and NO WAY were we all dressing alike. My most favorite part of the outfit was the cap gun and holster. We all LOVED the cap guns, they were so much fun to shoot. In spite of enjoying shooting everyone and everything with our cap guns, none of us became serial killers. If we didn't get a cap gun we always got caps and we would sit on the sidewalk and banging the caps with rocks and making black flash marks on the sidewalk. And worms!!! I loved those! Do you remember those? Do they still make them? They came in a box and looked like black nibs and when you lit them they would start to grow and get bigger and longer and looked like a black worm/snake.

Every year until we moved to Montana we would go to my Grandparents Moore's house and light sparklers in our fancy new duds. We would run around all hopped up on rootbeer and wave those things around till they died, then Grandfather always have a metal garbage can lin with water in it to put the used sticks in. Inevitably, every year one of my younger, stupider, siblings would touch the hot end of the sparkler and get burnt and cry. stupid kids. After that we would sometimes go to the park and watch fireworks on the lawn laying on a blanket. It was simply grand (sorry, I just watched Arrested Development for the 50th time and it makes me laugh when other Lucille says, how grand, how simply grand).

When we moved to Utah when I was a sophomore in high school we began to go the Draper parade. I remember working at Reams bakery early in the morning (5:00am) frying donuts so i could get off in time for the parade and I would ride my bike over and meet the family. Back then, when the parade started at 9:00 am you would leave your house and at 8:55 am and drive to where you wanted to sit, and by about 9:10 it was over and you went home. I really miss those days. Now, when I go to the Draper parade you need to try and save your seat like a week ahead of time and then leave at like 8:00 am to find a place to park, but you can't drive on ANY street to get there so you end up driving ten miles away and shlelpping it on foot and hope you can get a spot in the shade, which you can't. so you sit in the sun and clap like two year old at every thing that drives by, except the clowns, which i hate, which i wish i could shoot with my cap gun, which i wish had real bullets to shoot the clowns. damn clowns. You sit there and clap so your kids get candy, then you get pelted with candy hard enough to leave welts. then you scream at your kids to leave the one mashed in the horse poo alone!

But really, back when I like the 4th/24th, after the parade we would go to breakfast then have water fights in my parents back yard and they got FIERCE. I remember Gary and Jim would sneak around the corner and we would all get pelted with water balloons. Eventually it always ended with my Mom getting an enormous bucket of water dropped on on her head. There would be ambushing from all corners of the yard and house. Inevitably someones child would get accidently pelted and the wailing would begin. On the 4th we would get KFC, one time a year.

Ok I'm falling asleep now so I don't have a clue what I just wrote.

Captain Jack has swim lessons and where to put the cat. Stories from Cayden.

Cayden has started swim lessons, this week is his second week. I wouldn't necessarily call it swim lessons yet as they are in the "making friends with the water" phase. Anyhoo, as most of you know, Cayden is generally some sort of character everday. He might be Batman one day, a Ninja Turtle the next, Buzz Lightyear another or a combination of several. One of his latest phases is Pirates of the Caribbean. I bought him a head band that had yarn dreadlocks with beads on it that velcros around this head. It comes complete with a pirate hat, rings and a dagger. It appears I'm digressing from the swim lessons story but I'm not, really. The day before, Cayden upbruptly left the pool after about 10 minutes of lessons. His face was all wet and he seemed upset and told me he was ready to go. I don't know what happened, maybe his teacher made him put his face in the water or he fell or something, what ever it was, was traumatizing. Unfortunately I was texting Hillary and didn't see what happened. The next day he said he was NOT going to swim lessons and he did NOT want a teacher. I finally talked him into it but he insisted on wearing his pirate dreadlocks. I figured it would make him feel braver. On a side note, the next time anyone has to give a talk or a sales presentation of whatever, you are free to borrow the dreadlocks to make yourself feel braver. Long story short, he wore his dreadlocks to swim lessons amidst approarious laughter amongst the lifeguards and patrons. It worked and swim lessons were great. On the way home he said, "I like Mary", "Is she your teacher?" "yes and I like her". We go home and I tell Tom (who was aware of his stress that morning), "Cayden had a good time at swim lessons today, Cayden, tell Daddy the name of your teacher" Silence...., Cayden, hesitating, ".....um....Gordon?" GORDON? GORDON? What the crap? Where did GORDON come from? I tell Tom, well, close, it's Mary. Anyway, Good Job Gordon-Mary!

Story 2.
Cayden has issues with Lily (the new Kitty). Sometimes he's jealous of the attention Lily gets, sometimes he gets mad at her for attacking his legs and sometimes just he's bored and thinks of Lily as some sort of new toy to try new things on. Either way, I keep finding Lily in weird places where Cayden has hidden/locked her away for whatever reason is his issue of the day. I will notice I haven't seen her for awhile and I start looking, I find her in the toy box with the lid shut, I find her in the living room buried under 16 throw pillows, I find her in the laundry basket with clothes on top, I find her shut in his bedroom drawer with his shirts (funny about that spot, Lily keeps going back to that spot and climbing in the drawer and sleeping in it - I guess I could shut the drawer but that seems hard), I find her on the side bar in the kitchen which it too high for her to jump down. That one I had a fit over, NO ANIMALS ON THE COUNTERS!! GROSS!! But Tom was tending and didn't seem to notice a cat stranded on the side board for oh..., minutes, hours? Special needs Tom. Today was the best. I come downstairs after changing the bed sheets and notice Cayden's Diego back pack flipping all over the kitchen like some deraged chucky doll. Inside the possessed backpack, all zipped up, Lily. Funny thing is, she loves Cayden and seems to enjoy the game. I just worry someday I won't find her and then a year later I find a cat skeleton in some container I hadn't needed until then. shudder.

Last story. As I am typing this story Cayden just got in trouble for picking up kitty by the neck again and shaking her around. I go back to my typing when I hear grunting noises coming from Cayden. What are doing Cayden, are you alright? "I'm trying to cry". oh. well, carry on then.

Here she is...the new Miss Draper!

We are SO proud of Hillary! She did a fabulous job last night and her work paid off...she's the new Miss Draper 2007-2008! Apparently, the word on the street is that she nailed the interview and amazed the judges and they loved her. I'm not surprised, I'm not biased or anything but she does have a gift for conversing intelligently and I am continually amazed at her knowlege and opinions of current events. She looked beautiful on stage and was the only one who didn't have a talent coach. It was a tough competition and we are so proud of her. Forgive me for bragging but as I said, I am biased! It was a fun night. Here are some pics - enjoy! Next step - Miss Utah!

My Latest cake - psuedo Coach purse

This cake was for a 13 year old girl's "fashion scavenger hunt" (limo ride to Gateway and then a scavenger hunt. It was fun because its a new direction to go and would be a popular cake for thr trendy mom's choosing cakes for their daughters. (I want to start doing cakes for sweet and sassy. It wouldlet me have a specific cakes and prices without saying, "oh i dont know how much to charge. is a dollar too much?" they'll know what the prices are before they call. i need to perfect the cake much more first.

Goodbye Ella, We love you

Sadly, we lost Ella (formerly Daisy in the pictures below) last night. I was awful and really sad. As it became apparent she was going down hill and not going to make it, Hillary and I held her for hours until she passed. She died very painfully, I don't know what was wrong, but she was bleeding out her nose and mouth and had such difficulty breathing. I hope to never have to do that again, and I can't imagine having to do that with a human. Part of me wishes I'd never taken them in because I am surprisingly so attached to these little babies and seeing one die was devastating. But the other part of me says, like the Garth Brooks song, "I could have missed the pain, But I'd of had to miss the dance".