Another High Priest dinner disaster

That was more of a headline grabber because it really wasn't a disaster but as usual, my increasingly inept social behavior gets me again. It was my turn to host. Tom (as the host) invited the presidency and 6 people totalling 14. Anyhoo. In order to overcompensate for my...lack of home decorating skills?...social skills?...dirty carpet on my stairs and cayden's impressive murals on all the walls?...whatever the reason, I decorated with halloween crap to the inth degree. I wonder how much is obsessive compulsive behavior, to be incapable of a half-assed (that's your bottom, son) job when it comes to a party or an assignment. Certainly not in all things because I have an enormously full ass to prove I'm not obsessed with dieting like I should be and a perpetually messy house to prove I don't possess that skill! Anyhoo again, I WAY overcooked, doing tons of hors d ouvres, with two kinds of soup for dinner etc. So, I think to myself that people will enjoy it and be impressed and it will make me an amazing hostess to be discussed amongst the popular crowd (this same theme resinates in all my high priest blogs). However it was not to be. The first couple arrives on time and are very nice. I explain the appetizers and the husbands goes to work trying them. The wife is a tiny waif - and eats like one thing, probably wondering if there is anything WITHOUT butter or cream cheese (the veggies don't, oh wait, I brushed them with melted butter too - (not really)). It's very awkward trying to figure out what to say. The wife says she's glad she wasn't in charge this month because she wouldn't have gone to this much trouble. meaning?... We sat there making idle embarrassing chit chat for a half an hour and all I could think of was, no one else is coming and I look like such a dork for preparing enough food to feed an entire football team. I will be pathetically disussed about for years. Finally 5 more people came over a half hour late with no explanation (I wonder if dorkus told some of them seven). The rest of the people sort of look and barely pick at the food. One dork ball put barf dip on a wheat cracker? Have you never eaten barf dip? On a CRACKER for crap sake? The two single sisters who came really late ate like one carrot and starred nervously at everything else. It wasn't weird food or scary food, it was just veggies and dip - normal party dip even, not my fancy weird dip, barf dip and tortilla chips, cheese ball & crackers, raspberry chipolte & cream cheese and stuffed mushrooms. NOTHING weird! Why did no one really eat much? Everyone was really polite and complimented me, however, I finally realized, all my work made me look like a giant show off child. LOOK AT ME LOOK AT ME!! LOOK WHAT I CAN DO? LOOK WHAT I DID!! LOOK LOOK!! yes sweetie you did a good job, now go clean up your mess while the grown ups talk. I had everyone sit down for a awkward conversations around the table. I get more nervous so with each funny comment, I'm horse laughing so loud I'm shattering glass. I can't think of anything to say. One of the women brought her 9 year old son, which was fine with me and Cayden was thrilled too and they played. Suddenly I realize they are upstairs in my messy upstairs (I hear tell there are people who can have their entire house cleaned at the same time) All I can think about all night is, what if the Mom goes upstairs to get him. The HORROR!. Anyway, back to my socially awkward night. How much more stupid am I? I sat by the single sisters and asked about themselves. Suddenly I'm tongue tied. So what do I say? "You should meet my sister...uhh...she's single too...she uhhh....goes to a singles ward..." Holy crap, what does THAT have to do with ANYTHING???? How stupid! It's like saying, "Wow you're fat. You should sit over there with that other fat girl, you'd have so much in common in your fatness". Then I tell one of the woman about the time her little girl, who is a sunbeam, wasn't being sort of naughty in sing time so I sat by her and put my arm around her pulling her close to my ENORMOUS BOSOM. She said, don't squish me, so I teased her and did it again and the pattern repeated, each time I pulled her close to the ENORMOUS BOSOM. She laughed politely. Why did I have to say ENORMOUS BOSOM three or four times at a high priest dinner? By then it was like, JUST GO HOME ALREADY! They all left by 9-930. Many left lots of uneaten food. Am I just a pig? Or was it gross? All I can think is that instead of being most amazing hostess, I just looked pathetic like I tried to one up them. Maybe I did want too, but it backfired. Oh well, I got LOTS of good left overs. I think I'll have some barf dip and a TORTILLA CHIP. I hope someday I'll outgrow this freakness, but I'm afraid its only going to get worse.