About 10 years ago I used to have insomnia at nights, actually it was more like nighttime panic attacks. They were not fun. My heart would race a million beats per minute, my arms and hands became numb, and I would hyperventilate. These symptoms would panick me more thinking I was dying and what would my kid(s) do without me, should I put on clothes or what if I die in my underwear and I can't die because my house is a pig sty and what would the ambulance people think etc. This panicking made my symptons worse and the cycle went on and on. I don't know why I had them but they were stupid and I finally learned to mentally talk myself out of them and now I no longer have them. One of the ways I used to calm myself down was to distract myself with a "what if" version of counting sheep. I had several scenarios I used:
1. I just won the lottery, how do I spend the money
2. Me and my kids become stranded in the woods in the winter, how do we survive (I always find a fully furnished amazing cabin and its a glorious time - stupid I know but it's cozy)
3. things I want to accomplish in my life.
#3 is the one I am focusing on today. These are the things I want to do before I die. Unfortunately I am queen procrastinator so...well I won't hold my breath, but in the meantime, I am queen planner instead:
1. Have a wedding reception center
2. Be a party planner or event coordinator
3. Have a Tv show - cooking or cakes or something like that
4. Win millions of dollars in some sort of sweepstakes, lottery or something like that (yeah I know, it's against the mormon rules but I swear I'd pay my tithing and give to the poor yada yada - shut up its my fantasy). See another blog for how i'd spend it.
5. Live in a really small town and be an integral part of the town planning festivals etc ala Mayberry.
6. Rent a really nice beach house on the ocean back east somewhere, cape cod, nantucket etc. during the fall. Don't know the rules but I would like to clam and catch lobsters and hang with the locals and watch the ocean from my picture windows.
7. Go to Salem Mass during October
8. Go anywhere in New England duriing prime fall leaf season
9. Go to New York and stay at the Plaza hotel the week after thanksgiving, watch the tree lighting in Rockefeller center and do all my Christmas shopping at the best stores including FAO Schwarz and have everything shipped back. This fantasy would probably involve #4.
10. Travel to Germany and Switzerland
11. Take a Disney cruise and stay at cinderella's castle in the new fancy suite
12. Take a cruise on a top of the line cruiser somewhere warm but not mexico.
13. Take an alaskan cruise
14. Live in my dream house which has specific criteria too numerous to mention, and host Thanksgiving dinner. It will be a wonderful cozy time in my huge home with a dining table big enough for over 30 people, wooded area with no neighbors, amazing big basement with enormous playroom to entertain the kids, pool table for the men, pool, hot tub, steam room, and most important, a hired staff to come in after dinner and clean up while we sit and relax.
15. Be in a play at Hale Theatre
16. Apply for a job I wasn't remotely qualified for, like CEO or something, lie on my resume etc and see if I get the job.
17. Ride the rascal motorized cart thingie they have at grocery stores and stores like target and pretend I'm injured and have to use it to shop.
18. Write a book, under a fake name and get it published and no one would know it was me.
19. Have some sort of secret life no one knows about - nothing evil -just something weird like wendy's sister, have a blog no one knows about that makes money and has a huge following.
20. Ride a bike on purpose regularly (yeah I know, why don't I do that now? Well if you followed behind me while I rode a bike you'd swear it was two hogs in a burlap sack slung on both sides of the seat - then you'd know why)
21. Be skinny for at least a year.
22. Take a train somewhere. Like an amtrack train with a sleeper car if there is such a thing. I've always wanted to travel a long distance and not have to fly but be able to sleep in a bed the whole way somewhere and wake up across the country.
That's all for now. I suddenly realized I was falling asleep, so I have no idea what I've written.
Happy St. Patrick's Day 2026
7 months ago
4 comments:
I loved this post! Nighttime panic attacks - that sounds way scary. I always worry that I will die and leave my kids, so I have to make myself NOT think about it - just mentally change the subject before I start writing them letters to be read after my funeral. Tylenol PM has done wonders for helping me sleep through the night, worry free.
And I think your list of things to do is amazing. You are already an event planner! All your travel plans - you could totally do that, and I would so come see you in a Hale Centre Theatre play. I say go for it, even just one thing. Make sure you blog about it though - I am so enjoying everything you write. Thanks!
That's funny - I always think about my messy house when I think what if I died. It would be so embarrassing to have other people going through all my crap, but then I think, I'd be dead, though - I wonder if I'll still care? I also want to be skinny before I die, so when people view me in my casket they'll remember me as skinny.
You should totally have a wedding reception center! DO IT.
Great post! I am impressed. I guess I don't really plan things like that. What a bore. I think I am just too tired.
After reading your list, I realize just how opposite we are. I would hate to own a reception center or be an event coordinator. However, tonight Mike and I signed up to be room parents for Ashby's class because we do some kick-ass class parties (especially Halloween) and the last few room moms have had lame-ass parties.
Be in a play @ Hale Theatre - I THINK NOT!
Who doesn't want to ride a rascal around the mall? I could double my mall shopping time from 5 hours to 10.
I want to be skinny every year for the rest of my life. I don't want to have to work to become skinny, I just want to be granted skinniness and I promise not to bubb up. I think I could do that.
I would also like to take a train somewhere. But, since that probably won't happen, my motor home will do just fine. I can sleep in the back bed while Mike drives me across country.
Keep on dreaming Lisa! I hope at least one of those will happen. I hope for #1 (lottery) so you can share some with me. You know, your favorite sister.
I LOVED THIS POST! I shared alot of your wish list!!! and you totally could do that stuff--I can see you being a wedding planner/coordinator, having the lead role in Hale Theatre, Lisa, you are so talented you could do any of that stuff. I thought, wow, I should make a list like that and then I thought, "no, I'm too tired--maybe tomorrow". I really want the "skinny" one too but if it is going to be on my wish list, it is going to be for the rest of my life. I like Valerie's idea for the skinny part. (Rock fist Valerie) Here's what I think, if we could win the lottery we could hire Oprah's trainer who would then train us and cook great delicious low cal meals for us. . . nahhh, let's just be skinny.
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